How To Have More Self-Confidence.
Updated: Jan 29, 2019
I nearly decided against writing this blog post. Reason being, I find my feeling like Beyoncé, compared to feeling like a boiled potato, ratio is not quite where I’d like it to be. I don’t feel like the champion of confidence all the time, but it’s something I’m trying really hard to work on. Which is why I thought, now is probably the best time to write this post.
I’m not writing this as a goddess influencer. I don’t have 3 miracle steps for you, all of which involve surgery and ginger tea. Hell no. Truth is, there is no miracle cure. There is only self-love and self-development, which in turn, leads to belief and confidence in yourself.
I don’t want to claim that if you take my steps, you will have the same level of self-confidence as Kayne. Having self-confidence is not easy. Especially if you have mental health issues. It is however, possible. So, continuing with our theme of realism, let’s give this a go.
Self-confidence is not a quick fix, there isn’t some magic secret people haven’t told you. It takes a lot of work. That’s okay though, anything worth having does.
To make it easier for you, here’s a list of things that really help me in the self-confidence department. Some of them are small steps, some are continuous routines. Each of these have really helped me, I hope they do the same for you.
5 Tips To Help You With Your Self-Confidence
1) Give yourself some credit - Even Beyoncé has days where she feels like a boiled potato. There’s so much pressure surrounding confidence. You are expected to feel motivated and empowered all the time. The idea alone is exhausting. Please remember that you are still human. You will have good days and bad days. Don’t put yourself under pressure to constantly have a strut in your step. No one else on the planet does, even if their social media says so.
On that note, please do not compare your confidence levels to anyone else’s, because you don’t know if that’s how they really feel. Comparison is always toxic, and will make your road to self-confidence, much longer and full of potholes. If comparing yourself to others is something you struggle with, check out my last blog post here.
2) Remove arse holes – This is so important. Throughout your life, you will meet a range of people. Some you'll love, and some will make your butt clench just at the thought of them. What you must decide though, is who’s a positive influence on you. Who makes you feel good enough? Who inspires you to be a better person? Who supports you and empowers you? Who is kind to you? These are the humans you want to keep tight hold of. The people who feed your soul. They are the best kind of people.
The humans you don’t want, are ones who make you feel bad, make you second guess yourself, or doubt yourself. The people who always have something negative to say, and always have excuses for everything. The people who let you down and aren’t consistent. These people are toxic and cannot make the cut I’m afraid.
These toxic people may be family members, friends, a partner, work colleagues, people you follow, influencers etc. Anyone that doesn’t make you feel good, anyone who induces your anxiety, or anyone who you cannot be your true self with, must go.
This isn’t always an easy step, but it’s a bloody important one. You are so worthy of happiness, please don’t let someone unworthy, ruin that for you. I have a whole post coming on removing toxic people, as I realise this is easier said than done. I got you.
‘Stop letting people who do so little for you, control so much of your mind, feelings and emotions’ – Will Smith
3) To have confidence in yourself, you must first believe in yourself – This is a big one. If you don’t believe in yourself, or your own worth, it is impossible to have self-confidence. You need to believe that you are valuable, that you are an asset to this world.
The wonderful thing about your value, is that it can be measured in so many different ways. Value is not a monetary thing. It is how much wonder you bring to the world. That doesn’t mean creating world peace or anything, it just means how many lives are better because you are in them. How many people’s day have you made better? Think of all the smiles you’ve made happen, the giggles, the fun. How many hugs have you given to those who needed them? How many times have you been an ear to listen, or a shoulder to cry on? That is your value.
Your strengths and passions, your happiness and abilities, and your unique soul, those are your value.
We so rarely take the time to appreciate all the little acts of good we do, or our awesome quirks, because we don’t believe we are good enough. We just see ourselves as standard people, but we aren't, we're wonderful.
Believe that you are a good person and take the time to appreciate why.
I’d love if every night this week, before you go to bed, you would write 2 things down that make you a good person. You need to start recognising your value.
4) Stop trying to be something that you’re not – You, as you are right now, are enough. Stop wishing you were taller, slimmer, curvier, fitter, smarter, a different person entirely! Instead of always scrutinizing what you aren’t, appreciate what you are. By picking our insecurities apart, we are creating a vicious circle. We pick ourselves apart – we don’t feel good enough – we form a low opinion of ourselves – we find more insecurities – we feel worse about ourselves.
This toxic cycle continues, until we decide to lock ourselves away in a tower and await self-esteem's first kiss. Well, no longer! There shall be no solitary confinement, only a little perspective shift.
Take 5 minutes to think about everything you have been through. Your body has survived that. Every hurt, every pain, every bruise, every scrape, your body has overcome it. You are so strong, and your body is so powerful. Your body allows you to wake up every morning with a chance to make a difference. Your body keeps you going, even when you feel like giving up.
Your body truly is a miracle. Start treating it as such. Don’t think your body isn’t good enough because you don’t have abs, or an arse you can balance a cup on, that’s not right. It will also never be a practical place for a cup. Use a table. It’s more hygienic. Anyway, I digress.
My point is, your body is something to behold. You are something to behold. Your body tells a story of what you are. You wouldn’t read the same book over and over again, so why do you want the same body as everyone else?
5) Fall in love with your life – I told you that 2019 is the year we shall fall in love with our lives again. I meant it. If you want to feel confident about yourself, create a life that gives you confidence. Create a life that empowers you.
Take that class you’ve always wanted to. Learn that language you’ve always fancied. Visit the country you always Google. Meet new people, see new wonders, be outdoors.
Help the homeless, give strangers compliments and smile until your jaw hurts. Spend time with your family, call your grandparents and visit your friends. Take up a new hobby, let someone in front of you at a checkout and always use mouthwash.
Take long baths, and shorter work days. Moisturise and meditate. Read a book and get lost in another universe. Discover a new type of music. Skinny dip and get that tattoo you’ve always wanted. Wear that bright red lipstick and double denim.
Create a life that makes you happy. A life where you are constantly improving and developing yourself. A life that feeds your soul and makes you a good person. You can light up this world my dear, if only you nurture the fire inside of you.
That’s how to be proud of yourself. That’s how to love yourself. That’s how to know your own value. But, most importantly, that’s how to have self-confidence.
I really hope these tips help you. As I said, I haven’t got everything figured out, but I’m always trying to learn. You are amazing and you have made it this far. So if anything, take confidence in that.
If you would like more ways to take care of yourself, to help with your confidence journey, then please subscribe below for my ’31 Day Self-Care Calendar’. Make 2019 your year.
Question of the week – If you could be the best at anything, what would it be?
Tight squeezes! X