• Misled Millennial

How To Be A Goddess On Your Period!

Ahh periods. Mother Nature’s really over the top and unnecessary way of letting you know you aren’t pregnant. A simple DM would suffice.

It’s fair to say, periods are crap. You’re in pain, you’re bleeding, you want to fight everyone you come into contact with, you’re often so bloated you look pregnant, and let’s not forget the breakouts, greasy hair and appetite of Chunk from The Goonies. They’re a real barrel of laughs.

Unfortunately, there isn’t much we can do either. It’s one of life’s cruel jokes for women. Periods come knocking when puberty hits and you’re already insecure enough, then stay with you once a month for like 50 years before you go through menopause. Oh yes, being a woman is fabulous.

But seriously, there’s no point sitting her feeling sorry for ourselves. We have every right to, but we won’t because we’re goddesses, right?

And how do goddesses laugh in the face of periods? Well, let me tell you…

How To Be A Goddess On Your Period

1) Get your Bridget Jones pants on – I don’t care how glamourous you are, no one wants to wear a thong on their period. Get your cosiest knickers on and get your cranky lady garden feeling comfortable.

2) Flatter yourself – Chances are, you’re feeling pretty gross, so now is the time to ramp up the self-love and start feelin’ yourself. Do a facemask, get your hair cut and blow dried, do your nails, buy a new lipstick and wear something that makes you feel good. I always opt for something a little more flowy because Lord knows a bloated stomach can strike at any time.

**Side note, if you feel fantastic in sweat pants and a jumper, then do that. There is no judgement here. Flattering yourself is for you only. Do what makes you feel best about yourself.

3) Give into cravings – If you want a chocolate bar, eat it. If you can’t stop daydreaming about pizza, go for it. If you’re worried about the bloat, try a healthy alternative for your craving, or eat as well as you can throughout the rest of the day. Your vagina is bleeding god dammit, eat what you want.

4) Give yourself some period patience – There is this expectation to not let periods beat us and to keep going. It’s bullshit. Just because you can do something, doesn’t mean you should. Clear your social calendar for your worst day or two, have a bath and cosy up with a hot water bottle in bed with Sex and The City. There is no shame in practising some period patience.

5) You do you – On the other hand, don’t allow yourself to be a broken woman, one week out of every four. You’re a strong, independent woman. You’ve been dealing with periods for years; they’re not going to stop you now. You’re too good for that shit. If you have a date, go on it. If you planned to work out, do so. If you want to wear that short skirt, go for it. Womb lining can’t stop you.

6) Move your body – I realise the thought of this can make you want to hurt someone, but we all know it helps. I’m not saying do a HIIT class or anything, but a gentler form of exercise, like yoga, can really help curb the cramps.

7) Get a nice holdall – A nice storage system to hold anything you may need like pads, tampons, nappy sacks, wipes, tablets etc, can make a huge difference. Periods aren’t something to be ashamed about, but I appreciate trying to sneak tampons into the pocket of your work trousers isn’t very empowering. Get yourself a nice purse to hold it all in and rock it like an accessory.

8) Treat yourself – It’s the only time you’re ever losing blood and in pain yet are expected to just get on with your life. So, give yourself some serious TLC. Get yourself a new bath bomb, bread from the bakery instead of the reduced section. Your morning coffee from that really good place in town or take yourself out for lunch at that new restaurant you’ve wanted to try. Just little things to make the whole ordeal as pleasant as possible. Plus, a high five to yourself for being Wonder Woman!

There you have it my sisters. I really hope these tips help you kick the ass out of your next period. Mother Nature’s not going to know what hit her with the goddess you are.

Tight squeezes! X

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